You Probably Shit Chocolates
by thepainlesstruth
Summary: After a beat of silence, Eren asked, "Would it be okay if I came over right now?" Levi waited until the pause started to feel uncomfortable, and then answered, "I'll expect you over at my house in approximately three minutes." Levi hung up again, and Eren stared at his phone, dumbfounded. Three minutes was not enough fucking time. (Posted on AO3 on Valentine's but not FF sry)


_Zzzt. Zzzt. _

Eren heard his phone vibrate from the kitchen counter. Yawning, he ignored it in favor of stretching out on the couch, flipping the TV channel to Nickelodeon, where SpongeBob was playing. It was a Saturday. He could do whatever the fuck he felt like, such as not answering the phone.

_Zzzt. Zzzt. Zzzt. Zzzt. Zzzt. Zzzt._

The vibrations came more incessantly, as if demanding Eren to get his lazy ass off the couch and check his messages.

"Nope."

Eren stubbornly continued sitting, mentally challenging his phone to come and get him. _As if_.

But, sadly, God had heard him, and the chorus to _I Wish_ by Skee-Lo abruptly broke the comfortable hum of the SpongeBob's chatter.

"I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a—"

Eren, recognizing the ringtone, sighed loudly. Levi would kill him for not reading his texts. He rolled off the couch and shuffled over to the countertop.

"Heyyyy," Eren greeted, throwing himself back on the sofa.

"Don't 'hey' me. Why aren't you answering my texts?" Eren winced at Levi's hard tone.

"Um. I, um; SpongeBob is playing…?"

"What."

"I was sleeping?" Eren tried again, failing to think of a better answer.

"Brat, it's fucking 3 pm."

"It's actually 3:06."

"…Are you fucking with me right now?"

"Sorry." But then he whispered, "Not sorry."

"I heard that, you little piece of shit," Levi deadpanned.

"Heard what?" Eren asked innocently.

"Fuck you. Do you even know what today is?"

"Um…Saturday, February….oh shit." Eren's eyes widened, staring at the circled date on his calendar. The hearts around the _14_ seemed to mock him.

"Oh shit is right." He could almost hear Levi's smirk through the phone.

In his defense, Eren had truly forgotten. He was just so busy with his new job at Levi's company during the past week; he was running purely on caffeine and sugar while he worked his ass off to not make any embarrassing mistakes.

"Brat, just look at your texts. Call me back when you get your life together," Levi chuckled as he hung up.

"Ah, shit." Levi had told Eren to come over for Valentine's so that they could go on a much needed date, and Eren had let it slip completely from his mind. And it was already 3 pm.

Groaning, Eren unlocked his iPhone and scrolled to the top of the many messages Levi had sent him.

_Levi; Today 2:26_

_Where the fuck are you, Eren? I thought we agreed to meet at 2:00. Are you playing hard to get? Because then I'm dumping you._

_Levi; Today 2:34_

_Don't tell me you forgot._

_Levi; Today 2:37_

…

_Levi; Today 2:43_

_Why aren't you fucking answering me._

_Levi; Today 2:49_

_Fine. I'll just text you until you respond, you little shit._

_Levi; Today 2:52_

_Hm._

_Levi; Today 2:55_

_Did you clean your pants with Windex? Because I can practically see myself in them._

_Levi; Today 2:59_

_Your ass is so sweet; you probably shit chocolates. _

_Levi; Today 3:02_

_Fuck you, but fuck me._

_Levi; Today 3:04_

_You're the only dirty thing I like. Or, alternatively, I may be a clean freak, but that doesn't mean I don't like to get dirty._

_Levi; Today 3:06_

_Fuck this; I'm calling you._

If anyone saw Eren now, they would probably be very alarmed at the amount of blushing he was doing. Thankfully, Eren was alone in his apartment, and he had the liberty to try and calm his racing heart before he raised his shaking fingers to type a reply.

_Eren; Today 3:10_

_Can I put my key in your basement?_

_Eren; Today 3:11_

_Are you a general? Because you make my privates stand up._

_Levi; Today 3:12_

_Shut up. And you know I was a corporal in the army._

Having nothing to say in response, Eren tapped the green 'call' button and waited for Levi to pick up.

"Brat."

"Don't call me thaaaaaat," Eren whined.

"You deserve it," Levi scoffed.

"I'm your beloved boyfriend!"

"Not that beloved," Levi shot back.

"Says the guy who sent me like 300 pick-up lines saying how nice my dick was."

"I like your dick, not you."

"Excuse me? My dick _is_ me."

"Explains why you're such a dickhead." _Aaaaand_ Levi had to burst his bubble.

"Yeah, well, you can suck this dickhead." Eren cringed inwardly; he was so bad at comebacks.

Apparently Levi thought so as well. "Your comebacks suck like hell."

"I know."

"I win."

"We weren't having a fucking competition!" Eren sputtered.

"Didn't you get the memo?"

"There was no. Fucking. Memo, Levi."

"That's what you think."

"Oh my God, Levi. Just stop already," Eren muttered, exasperated.

Levi desperately wanted to keep teasing Eren, but decided that for once, he would comply and stop. It was Valentine's Day after all, and Levi wanted to make it nice for Eren, whose week was probably more than stressful.

"Fine."

After a beat of silence, Eren asked, "Would it be okay if I came over right now?"

Levi waited until the pause started to feel uncomfortable, and then answered, "I'll expect you over at my house in approximately three minutes."

Levi hung up again, and Eren stared at his phone, dumbfounded. Three minutes was _not enough fucking time_.

"Shit shit shit shit shit," Eren repeated as he ran around the apartment, turning off the now accursed SpongeBob and ripping his pajamas off. He threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt, not paying much attention to what it said, and flew out the door. He scrambled back in a moment later to grab his phone and car keys, still muttering 'shit'.

He ran down the stairwell of the apartment building, not wanting to wait for the elevator, and almost tripped down 3 flights of hard concrete stairs. He slowed down a little after that; he didn't want to end up splattered all over the dirty floor for the janitor to clean. When he finally made it to the first floor, Eren pushed aside the other apartment residents crowding the lobby and raced out the door, much to the alarm of the security guard, Bertholdt, who yelled at him to 'slow down, _please_' as he stumbled towards his car.

Jumping in, Eren simultaneously started the car engine and shifted gears, feeling like a freaking racecar driver as he peeled out of the parking lot and onto the freeway. He _was_ one, if he ignored the honks and angry looks from the other drivers that he weaved through.

Luckily, the apartment complex wasn't far from downtown, where Levi's huge-ass house was located. After a few close calls with red lights and incoming traffic, Eren pulled up in front of the neighborhood Fry's and left his car running while he jogged in and grabbed as many chocolates and flowers he could hold. Instead of paying like a normal person, he threw a couple of twenty-dollar bills at the blond cashier like he was at a stripper club and ran back out. He waved his thanks to a very surprised, cash-covered Armin. Armin would be able to cover for him.

Eren stuffed the chocolates and flowers none-too-gently into an empty passenger seat and drove the last mile to Levi's house. He turned into its driveway and gathered up the gifts, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves.

After his blood stopped roaring in his ears, Eren hopped out of the car and walked up the nicely paved pathway to the entrance. But before he could knock, the door swung open. In its place stood Levi, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

"You're late."

Eren laughed shakily. He suddenly felt inadequate; his clothes were probably all rumpled and his hair a mess. "I'm sorry; I felt bad for forgetting it was Valentine's day and so I stopped by Fry's to get you something and I didn't know what to buy so I just grabbed all of this and—"

Eren stopped suddenly.

Levi had leaned in and kissed Eren softly, his lips replacing all the stuttering Eren was doing. Eren immediately melted into the kiss, trying to convey his thanks and apology. Too soon, Levi pulled back and gave him an amused huff.

"You're cute."

Eren blushed and shyly looked away.

"Yeah, no," Levi smirked. "You're still fucking two minutes late."

Eren glared at him. "Wow, way to ruin the moment."

"What moment?" Levi asked, imitating Eren from before, but then pecked Eren on the cheek. "Thanks for coming."

Eren just smiled brightly and followed Levi into the house. He collapsed on the plush leather couch, letting the chocolates and flowers fall in a scattered mess around him.

"God, that was so stressful, I must've grown like eight white hairs."

Levi smirked and sat down next to him, fingering a red chocolate box with a large ribbon. "How the fuck did you get here in five minutes with chocolate and flowers?"

"Oh my God, Levi, you wouldn't believe—I almost freaking died!"

He went on to account his adventures, starting from his near death by concrete stairs and close run-ins with traffic. When he finished, he glanced at Levi, expecting a 'good job', but Levi just glared at him.

"Who told you to almost fucking die."

Eren's eyebrows shot up and threw his hands up in helplessness. "I can't believe this. You were the one who told me to be here in three minutes!"

"Don't be a fucking child. You know I was shitting you."

Eren just gaped at Levi, at a loss for words. "You mean; I almost died for nothing?"

"Yes, you shitty brat."

"How was I supposed to know you were joking?" Eren was still astounded as fuck.

Levi sighed. "What am I going to do with you?" he asked, shaking his head. "Eren, if you died, I would not be happy."

Levi winced a little at his bluntness. He wasn't the best with words. He tried again.

"I love you, Eren. Don't put yourself in any life-threatening danger _ever again_."

Eren smiled widely and hugged Levi tightly. "Okay, Mikasa. Maybe I should try dying more if you're going to be this cute and protective."

Levi pushed Eren away. "Do that and I'll kill you myself."

His gaze fell on the chocolate box he was clutching tightly and Levi took the chance to open it. He fingered the cheap truffles and caramels and clicked his tongue.

"Eren. I only like dark chocolate."

Eren's eyes widened. "Oh, um, there must be dark chocolate around here; I picked up like 80 boxes—"

Eren scrambled to the floor and picked up every single box, but none of them were dark chocolate. They were all fucking _milk chocolate_. He groaned.

"God, Levi, I'm so sorry. I should've remembered but I was in such a rush and I thought maybe at least one out of all of these could've been dark chocolate. I'm really sorry. Ugh, I'm such a mess, aren't I?" Eren sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair.

The corners of Levi's lips turned up slightly. "Yeah, but you got my favorite flowers," he said, holding up a bright yellow daffodil.

Eren brightened slightly. "It's so beautiful."

They stared at the flower for a moment more, entranced by its glowing golden hue. But Levi remembered that Eren's turquoise eyes were far more amazing and a hundred times better than any color. That was why two of his bedroom walls were painted blue-green, wasn't it?

Eren peeked at Levi, hoping to see his face relaxed for once, and was surprised to see Levi staring straight back at him.

"You're more beautiful, did you know that?"

Eren blushed again. He felt like a freaking school-girl. He hid it by leaning forward and kissing Levi hard on the lips.

Levi unintentionally moaned and leaned back, pulling Eren with him. He wove his fingers into Eren's hair, marveling at its softness, but that thought was soon forgotten as Eren swiped his tongue across Levi's lips, asking for entrance. Heatedly, Levi tugged at Eren's hair and felt Eren groan from above him. Eren's hands wandered down to Levi's hips and tugged at the waistband, moving to straddle him, but then remembered that air was a necessity for life.

Their lips separated reluctantly, breathing hard and hearts pounding.

"I love you," Eren whispered.

"Yeah, brat. Me too," Levi murmured back, falling into Eren's gaze all over again. He was reminded of the first time they met, when Levi had tumbled unwillingly into the sea-green depths of what was Eren's eyes, but hadn't climbed out since. He wanted to stay forever encased Eren's warmth. Levi would never tell him, of course, but Eren had sort of become an anchor for him; one that would never cease to remind him that yes, living without loneliness was possible.

Eren saw the thankfulness behind the silver eyes that were Levi's, and he, too, fell in love all over again.

On a whim, he added, "Levi, will you marry me?"

He immediately cursed himself for taking things too far; they were both busy people and hadn't really thought about marriage; at least that's what Eren thought. He thought Levi wouldn't want that sort of long-term commitment, even though Eren did.

But once again, Levi surprised him. "I thought you would never ask."

He then proceeded to reach behind him, digging around in the folds of the couch. He produced a small black box, one that held a simple gold band with the words "forever, my light" etched into it.

Eren couldn't help grinning like an idiot. "You hid it in the _couch_?"

Levi rolled his eyes. "Shut up and pretend like its romantic."

Eren's smile stretched wider until his cheeks hurt. He sat up, realizing the awkward position, and helped Levi up.

"Babe, I should be the one with the ring."

Levi smirked. "Yeah, where's your black box?"

"Uh, it's in my car, and it contains a lot of footage of us having hot car sex, and I don't think—"

It was now Levi's turn to blush wildly. "Not that black box, you asshole!"

Eren laughed and tightly hugged Levi again. "It's at home. I didn't ask you before because I thought you weren't ready yet."

Levi lightly punched Eren in the shoulder. "I've been waiting since 2012, what do you think?"

Eren gasped, pleasantly stunned. "Really? 2012? That was three years ago…"

"Yes, really. Fucking finally."

The happiness that followed was like nothing Eren had ever felt. It rivaled the childish delight he used to feel when his mother would bake him apple strudels after school and tell him to "Fressen, liebe". He hadn't felt the same joy ever since she died.

But now, he was in total euphoria as Levi slipped the shining ring onto Eren's fourth finger.

Levi observed the immense bliss practically emanating from Eren's round eyes, and his heart swelled at the thought that he, Levi, had caused it.

"Eren, let's go to bed."

And although it was only four in the afternoon, Levi and Eren took the rest of the evening off, loving each other in the most intimate way they could.

And every time Levi held Eren's hands for leverage, he saw the glinting of the golden ring and knew that their passionate lovemaking was a promise for forever.

/

They woke up together, arms and legs entangled into the sheets. The rising sun chased away any of the darkness that the room had previously held, and brightened the turquoise walls that were the exact shade of Eren's eyes.

The mess of brown hair shifted underneath Levi's nose, tickling him. Eren, not noticing that Levi was awake as well, sighed contently and brought his hand up to admire his new ring.

Levi smiled, which was rare, and tightened his arms around Eren.

"Je te aime, Eren," he whispered.

/

Years later, as they celebrated their anniversary, Levi would use the same pick-up line as he did a long time ago, and Eren would blush as ever.

"Your ass is so sweet; you probably shit chocolates."

It usually resulted in Eren pushing Levi off the bed.


End file.
